so here is what my blog would have sounded like:
how can someone who is never alone...feel so lonely? everything that i've done lately has been so unappreciated. everyone knows that i'm always going to be there for them, and so they take advantage of it. i'm not a door mat, i just care, and am willing to do anything for my friends. I never ask for anything in return, its just the duties of friendship. what is disappointing, is that when i'm in need of help, you don't notice, nor do you help. you ditch me, thinking that i'll always be there when you bounce back. i'm apparently not always good enough, theres someone better. well i say...thats your loss not mine. status is just a word, not who you are. i know who i am, i know where i'm going in life, i know...that i will accomplish great things when i put my mind to it, and the only people worth sharing my life with, are those who actually take an interest in me and don't look down on me. the ones who will help me talk through an issue, and be there for me when i really need someone. I am not the type to ask for help, its a hard thing for me to do. i always think that i can dominate these obstacles alone, its in my pride. but there comes a time when you come crashing down and you just need someone to be there when your at your worst. and few people have really been that shoulder for me to lean on this year. it seems that we all have our head in the clouds, stressing about unimportant social issues or the important fear of our future. well, i am one to live in each moment. well, whos with me? whos willing to be spontanious and make the absolute best of this life that we only have one issue of? whos willing to stop social climbing, and just be appreciative of the friends that you have rather than depending on aquintances that lack the true connection of a good friendship.
yes, these were all my thoughts prior to my drive home
do you notice a word that is mentioned a lot in that paragraph? the word "me".
i was driving home and i looked through the window of the ambulance in front of me. i saw this little girl in there, just starring back at me. she was in the bed, with a look of absolute fear in her eyes. she kept looking at her father who was kneeling beside the bed praying and trying to be brave for his little girl. she was looking at him for re-assurance that everything was going to be ok. that she will get through this.
and i realized thats what i keep doing, looking around trying to find someone to give me the confidence that i need to know that i can get through this. i need to start focusing my attention to people who will appreciate my care. there are others out there that really do need help, and are also looking for the brave eyes to look into. there are people out there who could really use my helping hand, that little girl in the ambulance for example, and i'm going to find a way to give it.
i just need to start directing my focus somewhere else for a while. maybe, this way..i wont get hurt. i love my life...but also...
there is nothing wrong with the want to be wanted.
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment