(picture by me, Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic January 2009)
it didn't take me long to fall back to my old mistakes. i feel that this town doesn't benefit me anymore, i don't like who i become, and definitely can't stand my past trying to make a place in my future. those boys...they just always seem to find their way back just when i'm making a life for myself. it would be a bittersweet ending to disconnect contact with them all. i want to be able to move on. I can't believe any of the lies anymore, i'm so much better than this, and these boys turn their heads embarrassed that they even attempted to try to turn back a much stronger and confident girl. sure second chances have been given...but a third would be a tragedy. I've never felt like this before, and i'm loving the edgier me. I know what I want, and it certainly does not include pathetic characteristics trying to make a place in my journey ahead.
the dreaming becomes exhausting with no movement forward. i'm stuck in the bermuda circle of milly. This just makes my desire of transferring that much realistic. i want something new.... new scenery...new opportunities. i guess i just have to continue with my patience, time will lead me in the right direction fearless.
time will also lead me to an unexpected interest. I never saw this particular situation as a realistic opportunity, but now its becoming empowering and i keep falling harder and harder.
i need to make more time in discovery who i am, and getting to know the real me. i spend all my time wrapped up in trying to prove i'm good enough for everyone else, but never have i focused on the most important thing..am i good enough for me?
i don't do art anymore to escape, and its a shame. i guess i'll try and finish my eiffel tower drawing from my art class over the summer. i need anything to keep my mind creatively ticking.
i can tell i'm going to be just fine. i will find my way soon enough.
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