stay beautiful

is it naive to believe that everything happens for a reason? to believe that we are lucky for the good and the bad, because without the bad there is no appreciation for the good. without difficult troubles we don't see the advantage in our blessings. to appreciate ourselves for who we are, and to not let anyone else change your opinion of yourself. because people come and go in one's life...but you have to take yourself with you anywhere and everywhere.

i guess i find it frustrating when i want to move forward...and i feel as if my body is there but my minds not. a friend of mine put it perfectly when she said that we have our past (the before) and we have the present (now)...and there is just space that grows in between of memories, mistakes, accomplishments, and people. that we don't move forward..space just grows between who we were...and who we are. well its difficult when you get lost along the way. don't get me wrong, its a part of growing up..realizing what you believe, what your personality consists of..and what you really do desire. but sometimes i want to be a step ahead...but im always a step behind. i think i have it all figured out..what i'm really feeling, what i want...and then instantly i hit reverse.

my audience has expanded in this blog. you know...i right what i'm feeling in the moment and move on. others read and linger with the thoughts. i don't feel like this is by any means deep...nor profound. its simply a truth others know..and feel. but just don't see because they don't write it out like i do. I'm a visual person so writing in my blog gives me perception of what is going on in my mind. because if i sit here long enough to write...the emotions run across the keyboard without any thought put into it. It feels natural...it feels right.

so in the moment...i have mixed emotions. feeling as if it is a due time for an escape...because i'm in over my head. and although i have a strong support system at home...i feel as if the ones that i was so close i could tell my world to..are slowly dissapearing as we all are growing up and growing a part. or maybe i just feel like i can't open up like i used to. maybe for right now..i need to hold it in until the right moment comes...i deal with it in my own way.

so here i am...in english class..suppose to be writing a paper on "innervoice of truth" and how i relate to the summer reading..and i'd rather sit here wasting away on facebook, stalling, passing time. that was our latest writing assignment and it relates perfectly. time is what we can't grasp or hold , yet it has the biggest impact on your life. It is what makes up your existance. and here i am..wasting it.