this picture is one i took at reynolds last year the morning of orientation. I love it, but mainly because that was my first perspective into what my next years would be built up on, beauty and faith.
Despite the growing factors that i've had to face starting so young until now, i feel that this year is the year that i matured the most.
its come to that time of year where you start to realize what is most important to you. Christmas makes you only think of good, despite all the bad. You try to see the best in everyone around you in the spirit of the holiday, appreciate the friendships and family that surround you. Right now i'm struggling with my own issues of trust. I'm trying to put my 6th sense to the side, and try to believe the words that pour out of my admiration. I had to look into the eyes of my fear and soak in what could be truth or a good act. Well, he had a tough act to follow unfortunately and all i have to build on is experience, which for me has been nothing but breakdowns. I always have to prove i'm right, and for my hearts sake, i hope that this time i'm proven wrong.
these past few months ive had to take a deeper look into who i am and what it is that i want for myself. Everyone wants happiness, but my happiness comes in small packages. it doesn't take much to put me in a place of stability and a smile that shines real.
this christmas i ask for this:
Pierre to come home
a mended heart that feels whole again
my best friend to be near again, and know that with patience, everything will come together
my mom to do something for herself for once
my dad to find himself, and to recognize who is daughter really is
my brother to know how much i appreciate everything he does for me
his heart, and recognition that i wont always be around if he treats me like i will be
this guy to find his happiness, and not settle for her to treat him like she was
this girl to know that these jerks will come and go in her life to make her tough, so that when she falls hard, she will handle herself with poise and passion
....notice that none of these can be wrapped and placed under the tree. materials just don't mean anything like they used to to me. God has spoken loud and clear these past few months, and i'm doing my hardest to understand what he is trying to tell me. i see the signs, unfortunately i am at times too stubborn to read them thoroughly. This is a time of transition, getting organized, and a break from all the distraction. I feel an escape coming my way, and i couldn't feel more aware of myself until now. i need to take a birds eye perspective and step out of the situations at hand. make a better decision for myself, and be aware that great changes and opportunities will come my way. I'm always here for anyone that needs me, but its time i save myself right now, because i'm slowly slipping into an undesired destination.
i will look at the endless horizon and feel the power of how little i am compared to the world. despite its mass over me, i plan on discovering it all.
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