coming to terms with reality is never easy. Its a lingering shadow that you wish would stay behind you..out of sight. but as the sun sets on the day its an obvious existence.... something you can't escape.
well, I've given up the ghost I've been hiding behind me for so long. I've given into my weaknesses and surfaced the truth I thought I could hide for these past couple of months. I'm not over him. and I know I wont be anytime soon, but why should I? Never turn your back on something that truly makes you happy. and come August...that happiness returns home and becomes an even bigger existence than I can imagine. I never stopped loving, and I never will.
I have so much anticipation for the future. and for the first time in a long time...I'm looking forward with no recognition of the past. I am slowly diminishing the people around me that aren't good for my growth or existence. I'm always misunderstood and my intentions are never comprehended. So what if I live life in the moment...isnt that called life? Isn't that called living? I have given in to all the opportunities offered on the table, and if I hadn't...how would I learn who I am and what I truly want out of life?
Judge me. hate me. envy me. love me. support me.
I'm over letting other people control me and how I feel about myself. When you let go of everything that drags you down...you walk with a lighter load. and this is the new carefree me. Walking lightly and in a direction lit with open arms. No one said that its easy...and I can't lie and say that i've never felt alone. standing in a crowded room feeling as if I'm screaming for someone to notice the help i'm grasping for...but I have gotten through it and I will get through it again when the time comes.
Embrace the moments. Maybe I am temporary happiness junky. but I have had the best experiences in doing so. The escapes, the journeys, the people I've met...they will all mark who I am and who I will become.
Paris is around the corner. what more could a girl ask for than yet another adventure into the unknown? I'm not ready to be tamed. and I'm loving every moment of it.
the hope in love. the comfort of good friends. the journey into opportunity. the letting go of my past. they will all help me progress.
I've cleaned out my closet...and tossed my emotional baggage out the door, now traveling lighter and carefree as ever.
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