so here i am...in my new "home" trying to create my new "life". ...i've mentioned time and time again how i rid myself of expectations because there are only there for the let down. when life doesn't go the way you think it will...but yet is still good...your still somehow let down because its not what you had expected. making sense? good.
well college was nothing that i had put expectation on. but whos to say its bad? i've met some pretty awesome people...i've had some pretty amazing nights...my life has great potential. so why do i feel as if its a letdown? well...
although i've met new friends, had new experiences, and go home to a new bed...it doesn't feel like me anymore. i look in the mirror and see a whole other person.i learned that we look in the mirror to see what others see when they look at us. When i look at my reflection...what do i want people to see? it all goes back to my favorite word perception.
i miss my old friends way too much..and although my life is big enough for more people to be in it...i choose to be stubburn and hold on to the old. i feel empty...there is a hole in me waiting to be filled and for some reason i can't understand why. I don't live alone and i'm out everynight with different people..yet...i feel wierd. I understand this is a transition and it can only get better because hell...i'm in college. its suppose to be the best 4 years of my life...but rightnow i'm not impressed. I guess i just have a past with such a great reputation that its going to be hard for others to fulfill that status.
there is a lot to look forward to...so need to start listening to my own advice..stop looking back and enjoy the present with hope for the future. its going to be as great as i make it..and i plan on making it unforgetable.
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