(photos by me june 2007)
room 208. thats where its at.
so those pictures were from my trip up to the new school a while back. i am in such a confusing place right now. i'm exhausted by this week...and yet i find myself writing in here because although i'm so tired i could cry....i can't sleep. i looked back at the older blog entries from a couple months ago that i never put public. brought back all those emotions that i was feeling at the time.
this time next week....i will be sitting in my dorm room. far from family and close friends. although i have my lovely room mate and best friend with me..it will be an intimidating transition. i know i'm ready, and yet for some reason i question if i am. this is a bittersweet moment. i need to go forward...yet i want to hold back. I want to get the best 4 years of my life started..but i still want to hold on to the last 4. its a tug o war against my future and my past. and although the past is pulling strong at the moment...once i'm there on my own...the future will take over. i feel wieghted down and its impossible to lift my foot to keep walking, but in just a few weeks it will be so easy to move forward i could run. what am i going to make of myself? will i succeed? will my current friends be there when i return? or will they move on just like i am?
there are so many of us facing the reality of goodbye. but for me it just slapped me all of the sudden that this is it...i'm growing up. i'm leaving the past judgments, mistakes, and difficult times behind. but at the same time i'm loosing my innocence, amazing memories and great friends. but...the past is the past and i need to accept it as what it is. the real reality will hit me when i enter that empty white dorm room just ready to be personalized. its all so overwhelming and surreal. I'm not a high school student anymore...i'm on my own. now the real question is...how am i going to use this freedom?
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