i can't complain.
i fully understand what i want...and certainly understand what i don't want. finally i have chosent the right for myself, i was able to say no... i feel like i'm always looking out for someone elses feelings and opinions hurting myself in the process. why? why should i have to suffer to please another.
because i wouldn't be me if i didn't. the thought of someone hating me...the thought of not pleasing another...destroys me. but you know what...thats life. not everyone is going to like you...and thats ok. all you need are those who do.
people's opinions of me used to consum my thoughts and now...as i walk through campus with my hair up, sophees and t-shirt and no care in the world....i realize i've never been happier by being comfortable...by being me. trying to find yourself, your comfort zone, your future, your place...this is all part of the college transition. there will be ups, there will be more downs..but all in all you are building yourself and not all aspects of it is going to be beautiful. all that matters is that you enjoy what you are givin and make the best of the pieces that may not all fit together. happiness is a truth that in time you will become a subject of.
i've never felt so free to decide my next move. its all up to me..and it feels so good. whats a girl to do? without expectations i am allowed to enjoy the next event and live in a moment...take it in and breath. its ok...it will all be ok. the downs are like vallys feeling as if it is impossible to get back on top...each step harder and harder until you hit flat land. but once you reach it are you really happy? or just satisfied. me..i'd rather keep climbing until i fully reach where it is i am so suppose be...where it is that i'm wanted, appreciated, happy, and not satisfied...but overwhelmed with new and fresh oversatisfaction.
so is this all making sense? good.
so i guess its safe to say..i'm not upset, sad, nor happy. i'm perfectly content...a little stressed because of school, but over all content with the unknown. where is the fun in knowing what will become? there will always be wants and desires...follow your desire. a qoute from my ethics class says "do all that you can to persevere in that which exceeds your perseverence. Persevere in the interruption. Seize in your being that which as seized and broken you". basically it means that although there are hindrances that will break you down...do not stop desiring or persueing, but keep going for what you want. because desire's never end and nor do satisfactions. aslo it says "do not give up on your desire, and desire rightly means that part of yourself that you do not know".
by giving up your returning to the ordinary...and errassing the effects of the unknown..but those effects will always remain. let them be nothing but a scratch...fix it and move on. keep...moving.
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