living the good life. if i could plan exactly how my next 4 years of my life would go...it would be something like this:
easy college work, getting amazing grades while still managing to party every weekend. Frat parties, club with the girls or just hanging around town with the new friends i have made along the way. turning down all the boys because..please..they just arn't good enough for me. over the summer i study abroad in greece and italy...maybe stop in france because come on i just can't resist. While picking up a french lover who actually is moving to the US and we have fallen in love. not just any kind of love..but the mature kind. Next i move to san francisco (watch out lauren conrad..heather is making her way). now interning at the teen vogue in my couture dresses that i bought while i was living in new york for just 3 months. All the while being able to graduate college with my psychology degree with an art minor.
sounds simple enough right?
a girl can dream can't she?...but where do you draw the line between reality and the dream. who says that i can't make it happen? ok ok...i realize its a little out there BUT i can have my altered version of real. I keep settling for what i have rather than striving for what i want. I know what i like, what i want... but i don't have any of it yet...i need to start finding my truths, my answers, my future. but then again i don't want to be wasting my time looking while missing whats there in front of me. so how can i do both?
i don't like to be told what to do, i never ask for help...psh i'm starting to sound like ms.independent over here. I guess i hate the thought of having to rely on someone else to fill that missing piece, to take care of me. most likely it comes from having to depend on myself for so long...it just comes naturally. why trust someone to take care of me when easily they could suddenly not be there when you need them the most..its just easier to rely on me.
the words "take care of your mother for me" last week came pouring out of my step dads mouth and instantly i flashbacked to my dad saying the same thing 10 years ago. this kind of responsibility is always given to me because everyoone knows that i can take care of myself while multi tasking of taking care of others. i can't complain...would i be the same strong person i am today without all of what i've gone through and the responisbilities i'm always given? no...i would be weak and dependent.
so leave me be....don't worry.
i got this.
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